So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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