my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize