he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
