Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
