i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My balls are so social today.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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