You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
