We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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