Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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