Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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