Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I party with great urgency now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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