Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
