Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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