I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize