I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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