'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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