I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
