So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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