I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
