come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
