i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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