I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
