I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I stole a fireplace last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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