my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
