Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
