He kissed a someone with a penis
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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