He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
