dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
