I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize