You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
