I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
