at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
