grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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