he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
