dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
