dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
