I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
