I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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