last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
