If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
