WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
