Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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