I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
