Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
