I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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