i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
