Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Did I show you my penis last night?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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