Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
