I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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