my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
