What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
