Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i love accidental penises.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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