The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
