Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
