she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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