I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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