That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
