so explain again why im purple
no
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
