my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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