My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
