I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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