you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
