They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
