The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
