it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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