Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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