i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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