Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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