so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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