Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I looked at my own cervix.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
